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My Brain

Posted on November 30, 2021April 20, 2022 by alexis

My brain decided to distract me today. It told me a list of all the things I needed to do, so I wrote them down. Then it told me I didn’t have time for the things I wanted to do, but I tried to do them anyways. And it reminded me again of that list I made. Hello, brain, thank you very much. I’ve got it handled. But my brain thought urgency was needed. Really, brain? I don’t think I need to vacuum the stairs right this very second. Can’t it wait? But my brain insisted, and I relented. Because really, with this thing hanging over me, how am I supposed to do anything else? I can’t just shut it out. That would be unreasonable. So I vacuum the stairs. Happy, brain? Can I get back to the thing I was working on? It seems hesitant at first, but allows me to sit at my chair and stare at a blank screen and think, okay, I really need to add milk to the grocery list… So I do that. Because God-forbid I somehow forget one of four main ingredients I consistently buy twice a week. Then I think, what else do I need? Maybe I’ll make cinnamon buns this weekend… Ooh, I better go downstairs and check that I have all the ingredients. And, yeah. Predictably, I do that. I check, and I add to the grocery list. Boy, I think, this list is getting long. Maybe I should buy groceries today. Otherwise, there will be too much to carry in one trip. So I put on my shoes and my coat and I walk to the grocery store, and I buy all the things, and I walk home, and I put everything away, and then I’m hungry for lunch. Is it really lunchtime already? Well, I’m not big on sandwiches so I guess I’d better fry up some chicken and make a wrap. So I cook and eat, because I’m hungry. And I scroll through my phone because, hey, it’s my lunch break. I’ll take the break and be motivated in the afternoon. My brain agrees: “Yes, easy.” And then it’s one o’clock. One already?! I think in dismay. Okay, okay. I sit at my desk again and stare at a blank screen. My goal today is to write 2,000 words. I’ve written three, and then deleted them. Good start so far. You know what might help? I need to clean up my desk. It’s cluttered, and that’s why I’m distracted. So I organize my papers and stack everything in a corner, and then my brain reminds me to glance down at my list. Oh, right, I wanted to make naan tonight. I really need to get the dough started so it can rise for a few hours before I start on the curry. I go back downstairs and mix and knead. My brain insists I listen to a podcast (“Entertain! Entertain!”), so I do. The dough takes fifteen minutes, but the podcast is twenty-five. I can’t focus if I don’t know how it ends, so I choose to listen to the last ten minutes. Once that’s done, I’ll definitely get back to my writing. My brain agrees: “Of course you will!” Wow, my brain can be so encouraging at times. Well, if I’m going to listen to the last ten minutes of the podcast, then I might as well multitask. I’ll start on the laundry. So I throw in the laundry and switch out the towels, and see that the mirror is spotted. There’s still five minutes left of the podcast, so I wipe down the mirrors. Well, I might as well do the windows too while I have everything out. My brain can’t argue with that logic, obviously, so I do all the windows but my podcast is over. Thank goodness for the next episode (it’s only twenty minutes) so I might as well listen to the end. On goes the day. Oh, crap. It’s five. So I fry up the naan and add spices to curry, and prepare a big supper, then eat all the supper. But now I’m exhausted (food makes me tired) so I guess I can take a short break. I turn on the Switch and play for a bit. The sun has set, so it’s too dark to be productive. I watch some Netflix and pop up some popcorn. Then I crawl into bed and read on my kindle. And now it’s eleven and my brain is tired and tells me it’s time to sleep. (“Yawn! Yawn!”) So I do turn off the lights and close my eyes and my brain reminds me of all the things I should get done tomorrow. So I look at my phone (you’re not supposed to look at your phone before bed) and type out another To-Do list. Then finally I sleep, and wake up in the morning feeling refreshed and ready to write. Then my brain decides to distract me again. 

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