{"id":83,"date":"2019-10-15T11:59:00","date_gmt":"2019-10-15T11:59:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/141.148.246.190\/index.php\/single-post\/rain\/"},"modified":"2022-04-20T08:59:12","modified_gmt":"2022-04-20T08:59:12","slug":"rain","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blog.alexisveenendaal.com\/index.php\/2019\/10\/15\/rain\/","title":{"rendered":"Rain"},"content":{"rendered":"
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There is strangeness in moving to another country: the small things, the unexpected things, and the things you thought would interrupt you, but really seem alright once you\u2019re there. It\u2019s with those thoughts guiding me that I find our life beginning in the Netherlands.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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I had dozens of expectations, fears, and especially the things I put \u2018on the backburner\u2019, as it were. Already I\u2019ve had people here ask, \u201cwhat\u2019s your favourite thing?\u201d, \u201chow do you feel about living here?\u201d, and, perhaps most aptly, \u201cwhat do you miss?<\/em>\u201d Mostly in those questions, I have stuttered or incomplete responses because, honestly, even though I\u2019ve experienced the change (and perhaps upheaval) I also feel a disconnect to the moment-by-moment. No, not disconnect. Reconnect. It’s an acceptance of inevitability. Sure.<\/span><\/p>\n

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It\u2019s like the almost<\/em> future I\u2019d hoped for, to send me skyrocketing out of myself. (Originally, I thought I’d be going to Hogwarts. Hence, almost <\/em>what I expected.<\/em>)<\/span><\/p>\n

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I now feel that I must have always felt we were meant to be here. Or, okay, somewhere. Everywhere is somewhere. I’m not saying everyone needs to live here. In fact, please don’t. There’s simply not enough room.<\/span><\/p>\n

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I feel the loss of moving, of course. The loss of friends, and weeknight activities and meetups. I feel the loss of being gone while my nephews learn to crawl, while my niece learns to count, and while my soon-to-be niece or nephew works on his or her arrival. But people live on. Ian and I will wake up and work and live and sleep and do it all again. Why do we all show our best faces and our best days? And stew in envy, doubt, love, and joy. <\/span><\/p>\n

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I feel set aside, almost, but that doesn\u2019t come as a surprise to me. Perhaps it\u2019s the strangeness of my personality, or a \u2018writer\u2019s soul\u2019 as I’d like to say, but I must constantly check my worth against my imagined self. In doing this, yes, I feel set aside. I’m under a microscope, to be analysed by my own critical eye. It\u2019s disappointing to feel that about yourself. You set the bar\u2014you never measure up to it. But honestly, why? Legacy, wealth, bragging, success\u2026 I digress.<\/span><\/p>\n

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Maybe it\u2019s the rain, or the cloudy skies (I love the rain), or the clacking boot heels on cobblestone, not pavement. Maybe it\u2019s the click click click<\/em> of rusted old bicycle wheels, or the occasional echoing honk of a distant car. Maybe it\u2019s what I\u2019ve been working up to since I was thirteen, and I decided I was going to write books about magical chickens and evil librarians. Maybe I started fighting for it when I was told often enough how weird I was. Am. Yes, I am weird. Or, sure: quirky. <\/span><\/p>\n

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Corrections, adjustments, and flippant regressions. <\/span><\/p>\n

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It doesn\u2019t matter if I think I\u2019ll leave the apartment today. I still look at my phone, open the app labeled \u2018Buienradar\u2019. It tells me when it\u2019s going rain, and how much rain to expect. It\u2019s usually correct, almost to the minute. And I look at it, every day. Rain today? Of course. How much? <\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

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It\u2019s really okay. I think I like it here, even if they don\u2019t have maple syrup. Melancholy. Ah, yes, that old dream. Canals, greenery, red brick and white paint. I regret the distant smells of black licorice on fateful breezes, and miss the callous, dry winds across familiar prairie skies, carrying with them the smell of manure and childhood reminiscence.<\/span><\/p>\n

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I can accept the discomfort of change. <\/span><\/p>\n

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Groningen, the Netherlands<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/article>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/article>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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I feel the loss of moving, of course. The loss of friends, and weeknight activities and meetups. I feel the loss of being gone while my neph<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":839,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"episode_type":"","audio_file":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"","filesize":"","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":"","filesize_raw":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[45,40,44,43,39,41,42],"series":[],"class_list":["post-83","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-essays","tag-canadian","tag-dutch","tag-expat","tag-groningen","tag-melancholy","tag-netherlands","tag-rain"],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/blog.alexisveenendaal.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/04\/pexels-kayla-ihrig-3424845-1.jpg","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/blog.alexisveenendaal.com\/wp-content\/plugins\/seriously-simple-podcasting\/assets\/images\/no-album-art.png","download_link":"","player_link":"","audio_player":false,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"dark","subscribeUrls":{"amazon":{"key":"amazon","url":"https:\/\/music.amazon.ca\/podcasts\/09c34bbc-b359-49af-a286-31830ed5634c\/short-stories","label":"Amazon","class":"amazon","icon":"amazon.png"},"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/short-stories\/id1621456328","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_play":{"key":"google_play","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.google.com\/feed\/aHR0cHM6Ly9hbGV4aXN2ZWVuZW5kYWFsLmNvbS9mZWVkL3BvZGNhc3Qvc2hvcnQtc3Rvcmllcw","label":"Google Play","class":"google_play","icon":"google-play.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.google.com\/feed\/aHR0cHM6Ly9hbGV4aXN2ZWVuZW5kYWFsLmNvbS9mZWVkL3BvZGNhc3Qvc2hvcnQtc3Rvcmllcw","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0lcQCRs52MfYlKs35lVX4K","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"itunes":{"key":"itunes","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/short-stories\/id1621456328","label":"iTunes","class":"itunes","icon":"itunes.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/blog.alexisveenendaal.com\/feed\/podcast\/default-podcast","embedCode":"

Rain<\/a><\/blockquote>