{"id":119,"date":"2021-06-10T11:59:00","date_gmt":"2021-06-10T11:59:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/141.148.246.190\/index.php\/single-post\/gnome-in-a-jar\/"},"modified":"2022-04-20T11:32:42","modified_gmt":"2022-04-20T11:32:42","slug":"gnome-in-a-jar","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blog.alexisveenendaal.com\/index.php\/2021\/06\/10\/gnome-in-a-jar\/","title":{"rendered":"Gnome in a Jar"},"content":{"rendered":"
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I once met a gnome<\/span><\/p>\n

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who lived in a jar<\/span><\/p>\n

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and he told me a tale<\/span><\/p>\n

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of his travels “afar”.<\/span><\/p>\n

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\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n
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“But how did you travel?”<\/span><\/p>\n

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I asked rather bravely.<\/span><\/p>\n

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“I travelled with books!<\/span><\/p>\n

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that’s the cheap way!” he stated.<\/span><\/p>\n

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\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n
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“Why, that is not travel,<\/span><\/p>\n

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not travel at all!”<\/span><\/p>\n

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And I laughed and laughed<\/span><\/p>\n

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while he stared, quite appalled.<\/span><\/p>\n

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\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n
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“Oh, my rather dumb human,<\/span><\/p>\n

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how thick can you be?<\/span><\/p>\n

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If you’d bothered to read<\/span><\/p>\n

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then you’d see. Oh, you’d see!<\/span><\/p>\n

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\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n
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“I’ve seen the vast oceans<\/span><\/p>\n

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through words on a page,<\/span><\/p>\n

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I’ve fought all sorts of monsters,<\/span><\/p>\n

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been a soldier, a mage!<\/span><\/p>\n

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\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n
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“I’ve battled my demons<\/span><\/p>\n

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both real and imagined,<\/span><\/p>\n

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and shed many tears<\/span><\/p>\n

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like it all truly happened.<\/span><\/p>\n

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\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n
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“I’ve climbed atop mountains,<\/span><\/p>\n

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I’ve dived greatest depths,<\/span><\/p>\n

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I’ve kissed, loved and hated,<\/span><\/p>\n

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I’ve walked eight million steps!<\/span><\/p>\n

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\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n
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“Have YOU done these things?”<\/span><\/p>\n

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Cried the gnome rather shrilly.<\/span><\/p>\n

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“I have not,” replied I,<\/span><\/p>\n

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“Nor have you. No, not really.”<\/span><\/p>\n

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\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n
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The gnome shook his head<\/span><\/p>\n

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and with great disappointment<\/span><\/p>\n

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said, “you dimwitted fool.<\/span><\/p>\n

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You know no excitement!”<\/span><\/p>\n

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\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n
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Now I <\/em>crossed my arms<\/span><\/p>\n

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and got rather mad.<\/span><\/p>\n

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“Fine,” I relented,<\/span><\/p>\n

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“though it sounds rather drab.”<\/span><\/p>\n

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\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n
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And feeling he’d won,<\/span><\/p>\n

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he tapped on the glass<\/span><\/p>\n

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and said, “there, it’s not hard<\/span><\/p>\n

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to admit you’re an ass!”<\/span><\/p>\n

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\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n
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\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n
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I once met a gnome
\nwho lived in a jar
\nand he told me a tale
\nof his travels “afar”.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":973,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"episode_type":"","audio_file":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"","filesize":"","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":"","filesize_raw":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[8,1],"tags":[72,78,73,76,71],"series":[],"class_list":["post-119","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-humour","category-poetry","tag-funny","tag-gnome","tag-humour","tag-joke","tag-poetry"],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/blog.alexisveenendaal.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/04\/b24386_456d40d86ffd4890beb0b6ff1d63a02a_mv2-e1650801866247.webp","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/blog.alexisveenendaal.com\/wp-content\/plugins\/seriously-simple-podcasting\/assets\/images\/no-album-art.png","download_link":"","player_link":"","audio_player":false,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"dark","subscribeUrls":{"amazon":{"key":"amazon","url":"https:\/\/music.amazon.ca\/podcasts\/09c34bbc-b359-49af-a286-31830ed5634c\/short-stories","label":"Amazon","class":"amazon","icon":"amazon.png"},"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/short-stories\/id1621456328","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_play":{"key":"google_play","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.google.com\/feed\/aHR0cHM6Ly9hbGV4aXN2ZWVuZW5kYWFsLmNvbS9mZWVkL3BvZGNhc3Qvc2hvcnQtc3Rvcmllcw","label":"Google Play","class":"google_play","icon":"google-play.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.google.com\/feed\/aHR0cHM6Ly9hbGV4aXN2ZWVuZW5kYWFsLmNvbS9mZWVkL3BvZGNhc3Qvc2hvcnQtc3Rvcmllcw","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0lcQCRs52MfYlKs35lVX4K","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"itunes":{"key":"itunes","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/short-stories\/id1621456328","label":"iTunes","class":"itunes","icon":"itunes.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/blog.alexisveenendaal.com\/feed\/podcast\/default-podcast","embedCode":"

Gnome in a Jar<\/a><\/blockquote>